Javeria Faizan– Mother of two kids and a housewife for the past 8 years. Her life is centered around her home, family, and kids. She is a graduate in psychology and English as majors, and interested in reading and writing. She was writing on and off, but the recent mishap of miscarriage derailed her very much. To give her thoughts a better direction, she became an intern at zippywriters.com Here she wrote on everything that crossed her mind. Finally, she has mustered the courage to talk about her loss and how she coped with it.
Javeria Faizan Shares Her Story With Us
I am a mother of two children, a son, and a daughter. There would have been four, even five had the disaster of miscarriage not struck.
It was my son’s first birthday. I had missed my period. Checked and indeed God had decided to grant my baby the gift of a sibling. In my family, we usually don’t go for a checkup until the fourth month starts. I started taking folate as a self-medication supplement and got on with my routine. This pregnancy, with its absence of morning sickness, was better than the last one. I was nearing my countdown to the end of the first trimester. I couldn’t wait to have an ultrasound and see my baby. Just a day to go, I woke up to cramps shooting from my back to the stomach. I ignored them, but they kept increasing in intensity until I couldn’t bear it any longer. We rushed to the doctor. She confirmed my fears. I was having a missed abortion.
I lived through it. We conceived my daughter after only 3 months of trying. This one was a complicated pregnancy with lots of bleeding and strict bed rest. I struggled but never lost hope. God decided to ease our misery and blessed us with a daughter we craved very much.
Recently, we decided to try again. This time I went to the doctor from the start. The first ultrasound doubted a twin pregnancy. I was scheduled for a rescan after two weeks. In the meantime, I was put on hormonal injections as prevention because of my history. Rescan showed a single living fetus. I was a bit upset but grateful too. I started bleeding lightly but that was normal with earlier ones so I didn’t think much. A month later, on my next appointment, I had another ultrasound. The disaster struck. My baby had stopped growing just a week after the last ultrasound. I had missed my abortion. The timing was so wrong that even my husband was not there to support me. I had an emergency D and C. I came back home as lost as I ever could be. I felt drained, empty. The thing that pulled me out was the faces of my children. They had spent an entire day without me, not knowing where I went and when I’ll be back.
Its been six months. I am still afraid to try again. Having the joy of expecting and then losing it is the worst feeling ever. You lose all hope, blame yourself, search for possible causes, feel numb, and cry, cry a lot. Sometimes I even woke up crying in the middle of the night. It was the worst. I was aching all over.
What helped me through it, both times was my husband’s concern. He supported me through it. It made me look at the bright side, our lovely healthy kids, who needed us then and even more so now. I am a hands-on mom. I have to be there for them.
I am a blessed one. My miscarriages happened when I already had kids. But everyone is not that lucky. Having a miscarriage at any stage of pregnancy is hard. Some argue that it’s not a big deal as the pregnancy was short. That’s not true. The bond between a mother and her baby is much stronger than that. She will grieve for that lost child. She may look alright, but the loss is something she’ll carry all her life.
This is the problem with our society. People didn’t understand the feelings of loss. Those who did try to help me heal from it by suggesting to try again. It’s not as easy as that. Healing came from talking my heart out. I had to face my emotions, share my feelings and most of all stop feeling guilty.
First trimester miscarriages are very common. One in four women has experienced it sometime in her life, but we don’t address it. Talking about miscarriage is considered inappropriate in our culture. This should be changed. Talking is a way of facing your fears. It is a therapeutic measure that helps cope with grief.
My daughter simply adores babies. She just doesn’t leave her baby cousin alone. This saddens me sometimes because had I not miscarried, my baby would have been with us in a month. I don’t want to try again yet, because I know my next pregnancy will be a complex one. I need time to heal myself emotionally. Physically, I want to eradicate weaknesses like iron deficiency from my body so I can carry on a full-term pregnancy. Waiting is my choice this time. I understand if you don’t agree. I too didn’t want to wait after my first one.
Miscarriages are hurtful. It requires a lot of external support to move on from it. Support from family and friends. Most of the time they don’t know what to do or say, still they are there for you. Don’t turn them away. Give them a chance to help you. Asking for help is hard too but you need it. Take care of yourself. Ease up and take lots of rest. You will need it once your bundle of joy is finally here.
By Javeria Faizan